It's Ann
24 Years old.
Arizona
Future BSN RN

Hey you! Thanks for visiting my page!  I don't really have much to offer. Just me, my lame stories, my errant thoughts, random ranting and some awesome experience.

 

Want to know more about me? Feel free to send me a message. Don't worry, I won't bite. At least not in the way you're afraid of. 

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2 palang. Mag comment ka pa!

I think I'm inlove. I think I'm passionately, irrevocably, irresistibly inlove. Theres one hiccup in the problem. I'm still with someone. I don't know how to end things with this person. He's so manipulative. If I end things with him he would just turn it around on me just like the million other times that I tried to. I wish I could tell R about this.but I'm scared that he would walk away. Why would a guy like him even consider being in a messy situation like this. I need help. Seriously.

P.S. 

I'm doing this. I don't want to be with anybody else. I just want him.

What do you think?

How do you know that you're ready to be in a new relationship?
How do you know that you're not just tired of being alone?
How do you know that it's not just lust?
How do you know that this person will not hurt you just like the last one did or the one before that?
How much pain can a person go through before they say "I'm done" and just give up on having any relationship?

As I browse through my old entries, I realized how much I have changed and how much of the same person I still am. It's so hard to believe that I started this blog when I was only 17 but never really been consistent on posting (just like I've never really been consistent with going to the gym). It's even harder to believe that seven years went by so fast and yet it feels like I have nothing to show for. All the goals that I have set back then and the milestones that I have been trying to meet are still the same milestones that I'm still working towards. I thought that by the age of 24 I'd be in a long term relationship with a fiance, planning our wedding for next year, settled with at least one house, a dog, traveling wherever we please because we both have good jobs and investments. But none of those above statements came true aside from the fact that I am now 24. This sounds like a self-pity party about to happen but trust me, it's not. Or maybe it is and I'm just in denial. 

Anyway, I've been in several relationships since I started this blog and some of them were serious, some lasted for years and some were just a couple days of flirting because there was no substance to begin with. Having all those relationships makes me wonder if I actually have been in love before or was I just lonely and wanted a company at the time and clung on the first thing that gave me the attention that I was craving for? or was it just lust because the sex was incredible and they made me feel wanted? or maybe it was the right relationship but I was too afraid to commit because I know the type of the pain that they may inflict once I actually open up? Maybe it's me? Do I give too much? Do I scare them off? Am I giving too much information too soon? Because I honestly don't think it's me but what if it is and I'm just missing the message?

Anyway, I met this amazing guy. He's almost like a dream come true. Aside from the fact that he has a kid and that he has a crazy baby momma. I'm not judging though. As far as I know everybody has their own baggage. Some more than others. But I really really like him. What if he'll just hurt me too? What if I tell him what's going on with me and D he would run away. I don't know how to do this. Why did I put myself in this situation again?

What do you think?